Four Years...

Today is April 26, 2014. Four years ago on today was the worst day of my entire life. My Son Greggy was killed in a car crash, he was 18 years, 7 months, & 24 days old. God knows how hard that was. Loosing my boy, my flesh & blood, his future. It has made me into a different person that I don't always recognize. It hasn't gotten easier, the pain and despair is still real. I know he is in Heaven, I believe in God and I believe I will hold him, kiss him, laugh at his silliness until I pee my pants at him. Until I see his sweet face, those big blue eyes with them long eyelashes and hear him say " I love you Mommy" I will be broken. I will never stop saying his name & talking about him as if he were in the same room with me. He will forever be with me and live in my heart. Until I take my last breath I will not let his memory die. I miss you & love you forever my Greggy Jr.

9-2-1991 --- 4-26-2010

4 Years...

Four years since the day you left this Earthly plane… 

Four years… 

How do you define Four years?

To the mother who has lost her child to death, Four years is an eternity, yet only a moment ago. Simultaneously, it is both.

Four very long years since I looked into the peridot of your eyes and you filled my soul with your laughter… an eternity… yet those eyes are so very bright and filled with as much mystery as they ever were, when I close my own…the sound of your laughter taunts my spirit… only a moment has passed.

Four very long years since I wrapped you within my arms and kissed your cheek… an eternity… yet, when I withdraw within myself, your smell is as fresh to my senses as though you were standing right in front of me… only a moment has passed.

It was 129 Days before your 19th birthday… Four very long years ago… you were on the verge of spreading your wings and flying high to search out and seize all the world has to offer… an eternity… Your horrific death seared into the back of my eyelids… only a moment has passed.

Who would you be today? Where would life be taking you? Would you be finishing college? Would you have found your soul mate? What future plans would you be striving for? … Four years is such a long time…Would I be planning to be a grandma…? 

My love for you has not faltered in the least… it has only continued to grow and flourish just as it does for your brothers. I am still your mom and my sorrow and anguish is not one ounce less than it was four very long years ago… only a moment has passed my Son, only a moment has passed… And if I live to be 100 years old, only a moment will have passed… only a moment…

I love you Gregory Whale Jr.