No Goodbyes

No one quite understands

How dark my world has become.

The days drag on forever;

No joy, just pain, so numb.

“You’re strong” they say, “Amazing”

"I admire so much what you do"

They don’t see behind the mask;

I’m not amazing, I've been broken in two.

It's not that my world as I knew it

Has changed so drastically;

It's that my entire world

Has totally ceased to be.

I sit alone day after day

And nighttime always arrives.

I still have that hope that the phone might ring,

"Mom, it was a mistake - I'm alive!"

The phone rarely rings and it's never my child,

I'm forced to see another sun rise.

As lives carry on day after day

Slowly more and more of me dies.

My son belonged here, living his life

But since someone chose for that not to be;

Why am I sentenced to life on Earth?

How can God be this cruel to me?

My life truly began the day he was born;

From that moment on I knew "why".

My life truly ended the day he died;

Now just darkness, no goodbyes....

~By Connie Beard