Don't Give Up...

To all my Angel mom and dad's, you never get over the passing of your child, just a fact! 
We divide our life in before they passed away and after, and we will NEVER be the same again.
The pain NEVER goes away we just learn to live with that pain.
And we look for the signs, and when we have the signs, sometimes you may cry but sometimes you may smile and say Thank you! Thank you my child!
I love and miss you with all my heart Greggy...

The Far Side of the Rainbow

The sky is filled with Angels

With puffy lacy wings

The remnants of God's beauty

With treasures they now bring

Each one of them a Guardian

That travels in the sky

To watch throughout eternity

Their parents from on high

Smiles that come from Angels

They fall like crystal rain

Eases earthly burdens

Lifting all life's pain

Halos so astounding

That glitter gold each day

Following their loved ones

In such a perfect way

Wings in gentle breezes

That fall from up above

Kissing every parent

With everlasting love

Angels soar through heaven

With everlasting light

Looking down from heaven

Saying their "goodnights"

Kissing all who loved them

So gently on the face

This life's tender mercy

Each parent can embrace

Wings and shiny halos

Travel from on high

Surrounding all their loved ones

They never say good-bye.

~ Author Unknown

When Someone you Love Dies by Suicide

 Honoring my friend R.R.

Submitted by LisaLCSW  |  August 2, 2012 - 1:04pm 

            How do you cope with a death that is so sudden, so tragic, and would appear to some to be so preventable? The grief reaction felt by those that are left behind after a person dies from suicide are similar in some ways to any loss, but simultaneously unique in so many ways too. The anger and guilt that accompanies many situations of grief is often heightened further in suicide loss. Anger at one’s self for not having known to stop the suicide or help the person; anger at the person for seemingly choosing to leave their family and friends behind; guilt that there is some relief that the person may finally be out of the pain they lived with if they suffered from a psychiatric disorder such as depression. There are so many conflicting and challenging emotions that may be felt after a death from suicide. Police investigations, media coverage, and stigma or perceived blame make the challenge of grieving this type of loss particularly difficult. Intrusive thoughts of how the death occurred or what you may have seen during or after the person’s death may play in your mind. This is normal, but should become less frequent with time and with work to process through the feelings and emotions you are experiencing.

            In some situations (not all – any threat of suicide should be taken seriously), a person who gives an indication that they may attempt suicide is reaching out for help whereas a person planning to follow through with suicide may not give any warning so that no one will try to stop them. Sometimes, a person who has suffered from a psychiatric illness such as depression may even seem as though they are improving leading up to a suicide attempt. The point is that in many cases, this type of death may not be preventable or anticipated. Guilt is a normal feeling in grief and you may replay situations when you should have seen a sign or could have stopped this from happening, but it is important to test the reality of those statements because typically there was nothing that you could have done to anticipate or stop this death from occurring. My number one rule in groups and therapy is never “should” on yourself or anyone else and never let anyone else “should” on you.

            It may be difficult to figure out what to tell people when they ask you how your loved one died. This can only be decided by you, however many people say that they find it easiest to say that the person died by suicide. The term “committed suicide” is generally not used anymore as this infers a criminal act and contributes to the stigma of suicide. Most people now say “died by suicide” as this is a more sensitive and understanding description of this cause of death.

            Grief is unique to every individual and each person’s needs will be different. However, it is important to support one another as friends and family to begin to work through this difficult process. With time and with some grief work, the good memories and positive feelings you have about the person who has died will come back. You can choose to allow them to be more than just the way they died in your mind – you can remember who they were as a person and honor that memory. If you are having difficulty working through the grieving process following a suicide loss, reach out for help – talk to family, friends, spiritual or religious advisors, and if you need professional help, don’t be afraid to seek it.

How do we get back...?

How do we get back on our knees and learn to crawl again after having been crushed by the terror of our child’s death?

What can we do to learn how to live again, which is exactly what we try to do? We’ve begun a new life, a new normal, where we look different, we act different, and we communicate differently than we did in our past life.

Most bereaved parents will tell you we now live in terms of before and after our child died. All events are measured in terms of the instant they passed away. When a neighbor tells us they went on vacation last year, we think, my child would still have been alive for another six months. Or, we figure exactly how many days, weeks, months, or years they would have already been gone. It’s an automatic calculation.

The single most powerful factor in starting my new normal has been the realization that death did not take all of my child. My son's death did not take all of his life. His spirit and life lives on through my memories. Everything I had with my son when he was alive still lives in me. Every hug, every kiss, every laugh, and every tear will always be a part of my life. I certainly wish there had been many more memories to be made, but that decision was not mine to make.

In the beginning, the memories I had were mostly about what I lost. I thought my son was gone forever and I would experience his life again only when I died and we were reunited. Now, most of my memories are more about what I had, and still have, with him. All the times are special and treasured moments that I hold closely and am very grateful for.

My realization about my son's life was not something I consciously decided to feel. I didn’t go to the healing store and buy it off the shelf. Through my grief work, and leaving myself open to all possibilities of healing, I was able to bring my son's life back into mine.

I don’t think we have all that much control over our grief. It just kind of drags us along. What we can control is how we do our grief work and hopes towards our healing.

We must never stop fighting for our child. Their lives are out there waiting for us to bring them back into ours. This is a rough, rough journey, but if we travel it side by side, hand in hand with our child's lives, it can make our path a bit easier.

 My Son: Gregory E. Whale, Jr --- 9-2-1991 - 4-26-2010

My Niece: Sarah Elizabeth Armor --- 7-24-1991 - 7-10-2014