Run Away?

When we give in to fear

we always run away

from something

we should be

confronting.

Dear Lord,

Dear Lord, I pray for my family and friends, that they may increase in wisdom and love; for those facing changes, that they may meet them with hope; for those who are weak, that they may find strength; for those with heavy burdens, that they may carry them lightly; for those who are old and frail, that they may grow in faith.

First & Last...

My Family (Estranged Husband & my sons)

are who I think of in the morning & at bedtime...

I Put a Mask On & Smile...

I struggle everyday with the grief of my youngest son, forever 18...

I struggle everyday with my living sons being 800 miles away...

I struggle everyday with the grief of my 24 year marriage...

I struggle everyday knowing my husband is living with another woman...

I struggle everyday looking for a place to call home...

I struggle everyday with many other things as well...

So What Do I Do?

I Put a Mask On & Smile...

The person that smiles the most is normally the person that is suffering the most...
The person that listens to everyone is normally crying out for someone to listen to them...
The person that is the quite one of the group is too used to being rejected...
The loud person is crying out for someone to notice them...
The most emotional person is the one that had to be the strongest throughout life...
The one that shows no emotion is really dying inside...
Just goes to show don't judge a book by its cover...

I Miss You

I Miss You Greggy So much...

Isn't it Sad...

When you are old...

I should have been more kind.

That is something a person

will never regret.

You will never say to yourself

when you are old,

‘Ah, I wish I was not

good to that person.’

You will never think that.

—Khaled Hosseini

I talk about the core of me...

This is where my son and husband live. So I decided to illustrate... It is just behind my heart and adjacent to my lung... so with every beat of my heart and every breath...they are there. Webster defines core: a. basic, essential, or enduring part b. : the inmost or most intimate part. I don't live in the past with them, I carry them with me to the present and future. I am their memorial. My son at 17 wanted to be a Nurse. He worked full time, went to college full time, bought his own car, lived on his own, & then died in a car accident on his way to work on 4-26-2010. My husband was funny and sweet and calm and handsome and was so full of life when he left me for another woman. I let those generations who have come along during these 24 years know what a unique man he was. He left me on 4-2-2012 - just 24 days before our sons 2 year angelversary. I am Greg Sr.'s wife and Greggy Jr.'s mother. I will always be their wife and mother. I just need to tap on my rib cage to remember this... I like to believe that they would be proud of my journey. Of the way I climb this mountain. I didn't plan this life but I am content and the raw grief is ending for me. Maybe it will end when I realize that someone we love so very much never really leaves us.

A Wonderful Story of Friendship & Values……

A story tells that two friends were walking
through the desert. During some
point of the journey they had an argument, and
one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt,

but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis,

where they decided to take a bath. The one who
had been slapped got stuck in the mire and
started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near

drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and
saved his best friend asked him,

“After I hurt you, you wrote in the
sand and now, you write on a stone,
why?” The other friend replied “When someone
hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds
of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone

does something good for us, we must engrave
it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND T O CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,

a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.
Send this phrase to the people you’ll never
forget. It’s a short message to let them
know that you’ll never forget them.
- MORAL -
Do not value the THINGS you have in your life..
But value WHO you have in your life!

Lesson of the day. Wonderful touching story!

A woman baked chapatti (roti) for members of her family and an extra one for a hungry passerby. She kept the extra chapatti on the window sill, for whosoever would take it away. Every day, a hunchback came and took away the chapatti. Instead of expressing gratitude, he muttered the following words as he went his way: “The evil you do remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!” This went on, day after day. Every day, the hunchback came, picked up the chapatti and uttered the words:

“The evil you do, remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!” The woman felt irritated. “Not a word of gratitude,” she said to herself… “Everyday this hunchback utters this jingle! What does he mean?” One day, exasperated, she decided to do away with him. “I shall get rid of this hunchback,” she said. And what did she do? She added poison to the chapatti she prepared for him!

As she was about to keep it on the window sill, her hands trembled. “What is this I am doing?” she said. Immediately, she threw the chapatti into the fire, prepared another one and kept it on the window sill. As usual, the hunchback came, picked up the chapatti and muttered the words: “The evil you do, remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!”

The hunchback proceeded on his way, blissfully unaware of the war raging in the mind of the woman. Every day, as the woman placed the chapatti on the window sill, she offered a prayer for her son who had gone to a distant place to seek his fortune. For many months, she had no news of him.. She prayed for his safe return.

That evening, there was a knock on the door. As she opened it, she was surprised to find her son standing in the doorway. He had grown thin and lean. His garments were tattered and torn. He was hungry, starved and weak. As he saw his mother, he said, “Mom, it’s a miracle I’m here. While I was but a mile away, I was so famished that I collapsed. I would have died, but just then an old hunchback passed by. I begged of him for a morsel of food, and he was kind enough to give me a whole chapatti. As he gave it to me, he said, “This is what I eat everyday: today, I shall give it to you, for your need is greater than mine!”

” As the mother heard those words, her face turned pale. She leaned against the door for support. She remembered the poisoned chapatti that she had made that morning. Had she not burnt it in the fire, it would have been eaten by her own son, and he would have lost his life!

It was then that she realized the significance of the words: “The evil you do remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!” Do good and Don’t ever stop doing good, even if it is not appreciated at that time. If you like this, share it with others and I bet so many lives would be touched.

More @ Just Because I Appear Happy_Doesn't Mean Everything's Okay.

What I deal with Everyday

My son, Gregory Edward Whale, Jr, was born on September 2, 1991; died 13 times before he was 7 hours old, was on ECMO for 3 days when they came and told me that he had to come off or he'd be a vegetable but he would die peacefully... He lived through it and even had several skull surgeries... and for some reason, a reason that I don't know or understand, was taken from me on Monday, April 26, 2010 in a tragic car accident. 

Gregory is gone, but will always be a part of me. He is gone, but not forgotten. I know that some day, I will see him again. But now, alone without him, I must go on. Life handed him so many challenges from day one, but he met every one of them head on, doing it his way no matter what. He lived more in his short 18 years here on earth, than most people lived in a lifetime. He was home-schooled and graduated at the age of 16 and went on to attend Daytona State College in Florida and then Harrisburg Area Community College where he was studying to be a nurse, so that he could help others. In between going to school and studying he also found time to work at Arby's Restaurant and spend time with friends.

Even though I have had to deal with my youngest sons death, I also have to deal with the loss of my husband, who left me for another woman on 4-9-2012... I have been homeless for 11 months and now living with my sister... I have also been going to therapy 5 days a week since July 2012... Living without my youngest son who is heaven, my husband who is living with another woman, & my other 2 sons (22 + 23) who both live in Florida; has been the hardest thing for me to deal with and I deal with it EVERYDAY!

Sitting in Heaven...

Crossing Over...

I Have Your Picture On A Table

I Have Your Picture On A Table~I Greet You Everyday~I Blow A Kiss To Heaven~Because You Are Far Away~I Whisper That I Love You As My Eyes Fills Up With Tears~It Seems Like Just Yesterday~Although It Has Been 3 Years~I Hold Onto Your Memory That Gets Me Through The Day~I'll Always Have Your Picture And All That I Can Say~Is That I Love You And I Miss You Even Though You're Far Away~I Know You're Watching Over Me From Somewhere Up Above~Blowing Me A Kiss From Heaven And Sending Me Your Love.

(Unknown)

I Tried So Hard

I tried so hard. 
I tried my best.
I gave you my all, 
and now there's nothing left.

You stole my heart,
then tore it in two.
Now I'm falling apart,
and don't know what to do.

Divided by decisions,
burned by the fire.
Confused by your words.
Tempted by desire.

I'm living in the present.
My mind is on the past.
Not knowing what I'll lose.
Not knowing what will last.

Blinded by fear.
Drowning in doubt.
Struggling to be free.
Looking for a way out.

He'll Never Know

I want to run, I want to hide.
From all the pain he caused inside.
I want to scream, I want to cry.
Why can't I tell him Goodbye?

I want to move on, I just can't let go.
I love him more than he will ever know.
I want to start over, I want to feel free!
But this pain will never leave me be.

He hurt me bad, the pain is deep.
From all the promises he couldn't keep.
All the lies, I heard him say.
Are in my head and just won't fade.

How can I forget him, leave the him behind.
Erase the memories from my mind.
He doesn't love me, and he never will.
He will never care, how I feel.

Still Separated & Hating It...

They Say...

Special Angel Mom...

IT TAKES SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL TO MOTHER AN ANGEL
A MOTHER WHO IS WILLING TO CRY
MORE TEARS THAN MOST PEOPLE COULD EVER IMAGINE
A MOTHER WHO IS ABLE TO LET GO
OF THE MOST PRECIOUS THING SHE EVER HAD
AND HOLD ON AT THE SAME TIME...
TO A CHILD THEY CANNOT TOUCH OR
HOLD OR SEE BUT ONLY LOVE
A MOTHER WHO CAN UNDERSTAND
THAT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, LOVE WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS
OR LIMITS, IS THE ONLY WAY TO LOVE AN ANGEL.
A MOTHER WHO KNOWS IN HER HEART,
THE LOVE AN ANGEL GIVES BACK TO HER IS A SPECIAL GIFT,
HIDDEN IN A SUNSET, A BUTTERFLY OR A FLOWER.
A MOTHER WHO FEELS THAT ANGEL'S PRESENCE EVERYDAY
AND KNOWS THE LOVE THEY SHARE IS FOREVER.
BECAUSE IT TAKES SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL
TO MOTHER AN ANGEL....♥