Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. -- A recent E-mail Story...

Just try reading this without laughing out loud!!!
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt pocket-sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. -- AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat, but, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. -- AM I WRONG?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in the other. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best ...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ... HOLY COW.... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION..... WHAT THE HECK???

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position , with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

NOTE:
    If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.S.
   My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

I Miss My Daddy (He Died 11-22-2008)

Dear Family & Friends,

    I come to you this year with a saddened heart. In October, I received a call from my sister Esther, asking me to fly north as soon as possible. Dad was going downhill faster & faster each day. That Friday was no exception! Two of my nieces picked me up from the Allentown, PA airport & when we got to my parents' house, my brother, three sisters, their spouses, my other niece & her boyfriend were already there. My Father was laying in the hospital bed, in the living room. Oh, Lord! He was so frail... So tiny... So weak... He mumbled a lot, but when I leaned over the bed rails to give him a hug, he gave me a kiss & told me he loved me!! I never felt so touched in my life, as far as my Father was concerned... It was a very touching experience. Friday night we all took turns by his bedside & several times we all gathered and said the Lord’s Prayer & sang together as a family... We had all taken turns trying to get him to drink or nibble on some Jell-o or some of his homemade applesauce...

    Late in the evening, Dad's temperature started going up. At 2AM, the only people left at the house were Mom, Dad, & us 5 children & by 2:30 Dad's temperature was up to 103 degrees. Calls were made to Hospice especially when Dad started complaining of pain. They informed us to give him certain emergency meds & to wipe him down slowly & softly. My brother helped first by taking some of his clothing off & then we gathered around & each of us kids took a hand/arm, foot/leg, & forehead & started wiping him down with washcloths. By 4 AM it had come down to 101 degrees & by 7 AM it was completely down to normal... But boy those 5 hours were very "touch and go"! At 8 AM one of my nieces came back with enough Coffees & McMuffin Sandwiches for everyone, including the rest of the nieces that had gone home to sleep. The next several days seemed to be much of the same, without the major high temperature, thank God... It was still very "touch & go"... When Dad was tired enough to sleep, there were always two people with him, just in case he woke up or tried to get out of bed.

    Saturday, we took Dad outside in the wheelchair and I had the pleasure of tossing leaves all over him! Dad watched my brother & his girlfriend rake the leaves. We took him over to see his Roosters & while he was sitting there, he seemed like he wanted to stand up, so my brother helped him up and Dad took a few steps with my brother's assistance, while my oldest sister videotaped it! Dad seemed to enjoy his little walk, in his bare feet, even though he never ever went outside without his boots! When we took him back in, he insisted that I take his “Boots” off! At first, I tried to tell him he didn’t have them on & that he had gone out without his boots on... But he insisted and so I went through the motions of taking his boots off. and when I was done, He even thanked me! I have a photo of my Dad right after we had gotten a big Load of wood, that he chopped, to keep us all warm...

    The following week, he seemed to be getting better. He was alert & watching TV. He would ask that we put on the news or one of his favorite Cowboy movies. In the evenings while he was dozing, my Mom, my sisters, & I, would watch a Hallmark movie & stay by his side. We would crush his meds and put them in a small bowl of homemade applesauce, before trying to give it to him. So many nights, the Ladies Ministry “Helping Hands” at my Mother's church were so wonderful; they brought over enough food to feed everyone & enough to have leftovers too! We tried to feed Dad every evening, sometimes he would eat & sometimes not. He seemed to really enjoy his homemade applesauce & Watermelon. He also enjoyed his Coffee, Pepsi, Root beer, Peach Juice, & Sweet Tea.

    I have a photo of my Mom & Dad sleeping together on November 16th, the night before my birthday!

   On the 17th, my Mom sent one of my sisters out to pick up a Birthday cake for me. As they, including my Dad, all sang "Happy Birthday" to me; I took a video of it! My Dad sang & later said Happy Birthday to me! It was a very special night for me, to be spending my 40th birthday with BOTH of my parents, siblings, & nieces. Below you will see a VERY - VERY Precious photo of my Dad & me. He asked for a small piece of cake & made sure his piece was white & not chocolate.

   This is the Very Last photo taken of my Dad before he died... It is one of my Favorite Photos... I know that he doesn't look his best in this photo, but I KNEW HE LOVED ME, in this photo & that's what matters to me!

A few days later my brother put up plastic around the entire huge back porch! I helped when I could, by holding the plastic up; holding the ladder; & handing him things he needed. When we finished the entire porch, we were both sweating up a storm, even though it was in the 30s outside! He went & got Dad’s thermometer & hung it up, shortly after - the temp was 82 on the porch! I then took a video for Dad. I started from the driveway & walked up to the porch & then walked over to the roosters & then back over to the porch and inside. My brother had a few words of encouragement for Dad & after I transferred the video to my laptop, I played the video for Dad – Twice! He loved it! He even laughed when he saw my brother having to encourage one of the roosters to get down off the fence & into his pen. The next few days Dad’s breathing was very labored. He would take a deep breath and then not breathe for anywhere from 8 to 28 seconds. Then on the 21st, his breathing got very shallow, breathing constantly but very shallow. My oldest sister had spent the night that night but had to go home to get a few things done.

   The morning of Saturday the 22nd, Mom & I sat with Dad and noticed that his fingernails were darker. Mom got up to get some of Dad’s laundry done & I got up & cleaned the living room. When I was done, I noticed that Dad’s lips were really dry. I asked Dad if he wanted me to get a ‘lollipop’ for him & he said yes, by squeezing my hand. I got it & made sure that his lips & tongue were moist. He looked up at me & smiled and then he was gone… I could hardly believe it! I was alone with him & he was gone! I headed to tell Mom & met up with her as she came into the Living room with a change of clothes for Dad. I told her that Dad didn’t need them & that he was gone. It was around noon on Saturday. We checked his blood pressure & it came up all zeros. Oh, the look on Mom’s face! As she cried at Dad’s bedside, I called my siblings and informed them of what had happened. They all showed up & we all took turns sitting with Dad one more time. Hospice came and confirmed that he had died. Then the funeral home men came and took Dad to the funeral home. It was so hard to see him being rolled away. Then some of us went with Mom to the flower shop & ordered flowers for the funeral. Then we went to the Funeral Home and made the final arrangements. It was hard, but it was even worse for my Mom.

    The obituary (see below) was in the newspaper on Monday the 24th & then the viewing & funeral were held on the 25th. First, there was the viewing & it was so hard to say goodbye to Dad for the last time. But Dad looked really good! He wore the suit that Mom & he had bought for his sister’s funeral. My Mom was the last to see him, She gave him a special piece of wood that she had sent to him a LONG LONG time ago when they were just dating... It said: "Johnny, I LOVE YOU, Ruth" It was REALLY SAD to see my Parents together one last time… My oldest sister made a memorial video, that was played at the funeral & then posted on YouTube.

   At the cemetery, the funeral home had made sure to have enough seats for Mom & us, 5 kids. The seats were covered with fake fur & then they put a nice warm blanket on all of us. Then there was the 21 gun salute, which I jumped at the first shot, and flinched for everyone after that… It was beautiful, but yet Very Sad. After the cemetery, we went back to Mom's church where we had a luncheon with Dad’s favorite meal – Fried Chicken! So many people showed up for the viewing & funeral & it was very touching that so many people thought of us. One of my parents' neighbors even showed up with a squirrel on her sweatshirt, In Honor of Dad!

    Thursday was Thanksgiving & we all went to one of my niece's houses for dinner. With Turkey, Stuffing, Cranberry sauce, Baked Corn, & all of the other goodies it was really nice to be with family. But you could tell we all missed Dad. We even left an empty seat for him, “Just-In-Case.” After dinner & a wonderful dessert of Pumpkin Roll, I helped her decorate her Christmas tree & we all watched an old Christmas movie. Then Mom & I took my other sister home & then visited Dad at the Cemetery, fixed his flowers, & took a few for home.

    I only had 2 more days to spend with my Mom before having to head back home to Florida. My Mom & I visited Dad at the Cemetery again, before doing a little shopping. Friday night I spent making 10 batches of my Mom’s favorite kind of hot drink: ChaiTea! Saturday my sister & I helped Mom set up her Christmas tree. And we both sat with Mom & looked through all sorts of photos that were taken throughout the years, most of which we had never seen before! Esther drove me to the airport and I flew home. My brother & sisters spend time with Mom, but I know she misses Dad a lot!

   I'm just glad that she has her dog, Betsy! Betsy keeps her company all day long, every day! But I Miss & Love my Mom so much! I wish I could move back up there, but I can't leave my children behind! Two of them have already moved out and I just can't leave them. So please say a prayer for my Mother that she finds enough peace and harmony to continue her life without Dad.
    When I can afford to fly back up there I will, but can only spend a few weeks at a time up there, because I see my Pain Management Doctor every month... Below is the Obituary that was in the Harrisburg newspaper along with a link to the Guest Book. I’ve paid for the guest book to stay online for another year, in hopes that many more people sign it & share with my Mom their prayers & good thoughts. It would mean so much to our entire family if you could click on the link & sign the Guest Book. Thank You So much for your Thoughts & Prayers, Christina

Johnny J.B. Back <-- Link to his obituary.

   With the air growing brisk and the autumn breeze getting ready for winter to come, I returned home to God on Saturday, November 22, 2008. I was born on December 6, 1932, in Sharon, Pa, which means my time here on earth was just a mere 75 years. But, during my short stay, God gave me a loving and faithful wife Ruth (Rickabaugh) whom I shared 52 years of marriage. We raised five (5) children; 1 son, Samuel Back of Highspire, 4 daughters Judith McClain-Yingling (and husband, Michael) of Hummelstown, Esther Back, and Susanna Back, both of Harrisburg and Christina Whale (and husband Gregory) of Florida. I also was blessed with two nieces who live in Florida. They in turn blessed us with eight wonderful grandchildren, Michael and Joshua Back, Heather, Spring, and Sarah McClain, Joseph, David, and Greg Whale, and one great-grandson, little Joshua Back, Jr.

   Over the years, I lost a lot of family members, like my mom and dad Hilda and John Back, and my 3 sisters, Hilda, Betty, and Margaret. But, even though they are gone, I was left with a thousand memories to hold onto over the years, just like I hope you will have, with the time we spent together. So, dear family and friends in Harrisburg and Sharon; do not grieve for me, but celebrate that time which we shared. And, please know how much it meant to me when we sat and talked over a cup of coffee. I loved fishing with my son and family on the Susquehanna River and Swatara Creek and remember making baked goods till they were coming out our ears.

And, it gave me pure pleasure to mow the grass on my John Deere and then sit back on our park bench with my wife and take in all that God has given us. As you grow older, you look forward to what the future holds, but look back on the past and hold it close to your heart. I remember the mistakes I've made that I can't change and the cherished moments that I spent with my wife, my children and grandchildren, my friends and my animal companions, Honey my dog, my roosters, and my squirrel "little bit" who sat on my shoulder and ate peanuts out of my pocket. -- I went to school in Sharon, PA and in 1952 I joined the US Army.

   I also proudly served in the Korean War to help fight for the good 'ole USA. In return for my service, they awarded me the Bronze Service Star, the Korean Service Medal, US President Unit Citation, ROK Korean Service Medal, the National Defense Service Medal, the United Nations Service Medal & the Combat Infantryman Badge... After the military, I finally settled on a job with Sears Roebuck & Company and retired from there as a Deluxe Specialist.

   My family is going to have my viewing at 10 a.m., on Tuesday, November 25, 2008, at First Assembly of God church at 4100 North Progress Avenue, Harrisburg, PA., followed by a service at 11 am. Burial will follow at the Woodlawn Memorial Gardens, 4855 Londonderry Road, Harrisburg, PA 17109. Jesse H. Geigle Funeral home at 2100 Linglestown Road, Harrisburg will be handling the arrangements.

   In lieu of flowers, I would be honored if you would make Memorial Contributions to either First Assembly of God - Women’s Ministry "Helping Hands" at 4100 North Progress Avenue, Harrisburg or Hospice of Central Pa, 98 South Enola Drive, Enola, PA 17025. Geigle

Published in the Patriot-News on 11/24/2008

Obituary for Johnny J.B. Back:

http://obits.pennlive.com/PennLive/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=120595362

Guest Book address for Johnny J.B. Back is:

http://obits.pennlive.com/PennLive/GB/GuestbookView.aspx?PersonId=120595362

1976 - Elizabeth Silance Ballard - Home Life Magazine Story

ONE OF THE BEST STORIES I'VE EVER HEARD! (Fictional Of Course)

http://www.teachermovie.com  <-- Click here to see the Movie!

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stallard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big 'F' at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

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Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around.'

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His second grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.'

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His third grade teacher wrote, 'His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken.'

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Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.'

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's.

His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag.

Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. She stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.

Teddy Stallard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." - After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her 'teacher's pets.'

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honours. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favourite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favourite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stallard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring.

Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stallard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

OSIS DUST IT MATTIFYING POWDER

OMG! My Sister's hair was always looking good, no matter what time of day or night, So I asked her HOW & WHY?? She told it was a little but of Magic Dust and then told me she bought it from her hair stylist. So I looked it up and here it is... If you want your hair to look AMAZING anytime DAY or NIGHT! Just buy some of this Magic Dust & Live Long and Prosper!!!

http://www.lookfantastic.com

From their Website:
Feel the difference and get natural looking hair with a cool, matt finish from OSiS Dust It. Get that second day look and feel, instantly with light style control.
This OSiS Dust It powder has a lightweight texture to assist the natural movement of your hair and help add texture for a matt finish.
Dust It has an OSiS Control Level of 1 for natural movement and style.
Lookfantastic Tip:
For extra root volume you can apply Dust It directly to the roots. For extra line separation apply more powder in small amounts where needed.
Directions of use:
•Sprinkle small amount of powder into your palms and rub together.
•Rake through dry hair and lift into style for a matt finish and natural touch.
Product Code: 8494

Do you have a Corner Lip Sore?

Corner Lip Sore, Angular Cheilitis, Perleche, Cracked Lip, Inflammatory Lesion, Lip Ulcer, Split lip, Bleeding Lip, or Lip Crust

Whatever you call it, It Hurts & Looks Nasty!

The First thing you have to do is to:

Stop Licking you lips

Stop Using Lipstick

Stop Using Lip Gloss

Stop Using Lip Balm

Stop Using Aloe Vera

&

Stop UsingVaseline

Next Gather:

A box of Alcohol Swabs or bottle of Rubbing Alcohol; A Box of Q-Tips; & A Tube of Neosporin

Now for the Treatment:

1) Open an Alcohol Swab & apply it to the affected area or apply Rubbing Alcohol with a Q-Tip...

(This will Kill the Bacteria)

(You may even use the Alcohol Swabs that contain Benzocaine which is a Pain Reliever, Antiseptic – Anesthetic)

2) Remove Alcohol Swab & allow to air dry for a few Seconds

3) Apply Neosporin on a clean Q-Tip

& Apply it on the affected area

(Apply Several times a day – After cleaning again with Alcohol)

(The Neosporin will continue to kill the bacteria and heal the cuts that have formed without scarring.)

(Always keep the area clean before applying.)

4. The infection should subside within
a few days or up to a week.

(In more serious case, see a doctor.)

Here are more photos of Corner Lip Sores:

Please feel free to Comment on your experiences!

Start Using the Sign

Dedicated to:

My Father who served in the Korean War: Johnny JB Back

My Father-in-law who served in the Air Force: William Whale, I

My Brother who served in the Marines!

My Nieces who are serving in the Military: Crystal Yingling & Sarah McClain

This 30 second video is pretty neat! --- Have you ever seen one of our military walking past you and wanted to convey to them your thanks, but weren't sure how or it felt awkward? Recently, a gentleman from Seattle created a gesture which could be used and has started a movement to get the word out.
Please take just a moment to watch the Gratitude Campaign Video & then forward it to your friends!

THEN START USING THE SIGN - CLICK HERE
http://www.gratitudecampaign.org/shortmovie.php
 
In God We Trust --------- God Bless The USA

Craft Lite Cutter

   In January of this year, my Mom sent this web-site to me in an e-mail, She told me that Dad had bought this for her, for Christmas! After watching the video many times, I finally ordered it on  March 1st & received it in just over a week! I've tried it so many times, I think I can tell you, I Love It!!! It adds style and flair to all my projects, Scrapbooks, Greeting cards, Book-Marks, & even my Hand Written Letters now look Great! Thanks to the Craft-Lite Cutter!!!

   I used to have a ton of those special scissors, which worked fine, but when I got this, I sold all my awkward scissors on eBay! It’s the first sliding trimmer with a built-in light that I've ever seen! There’s even a fold down guide to hold my paper in place and a swing out ruler to ensure my cuts are perfect, in any direction. No more mistakes or ruined projects for me, that's for sure! --- Ditch the scissors, these cutters are Awesome!!!

Just slide the rolling blade for unrestricted, accurate cutting. The retracting blade makes it safer than scissors, so it’s ideal for school projects. Plus, it’s great for photos, scrapbook embellishments, paper and other materials.

Just go to: https://www.craftlitecutter.com