I Didn't Plan

By Cera Grace

I didn't plan,
for my child to die.
I still have questions,
as to reasons why.

I know my faith
is much stronger now.
I still must be oh so cautious
For Satans words I disavow .

I wrestle with "what if",
with each thought he brings.
But with faith that I know,
My day's hurt has strings.

Who amongst us,
believe we are the only ones?
When God himself
Gave his only son.

You are a parent
just like me.
If we believe in Gods grace,
Some things are meant to be.

I dislike that saying
when ones speak of my child.
My guilts of "I failed him".
Are so vastly far from mild.

My words of experience,
the hurt of letting a child go.
Will one day be revealed,
As God needs me to know.

Be gentle, be good to you,
With time your results revealed.
Until that moment comes,
Honor your child that lived.

Help others from the pain
which so few understand.
And one day, we'll arrive
Into Gods promised land.

Remember your situation, if
your child had to lose you.
Knowing your child's beauty
Could they have made it through?

I say all of these things
My grief heart still so hurt.
Yet I must find solace, for
if not, my courage reverts.

Satan shall not take,
this courage I have gained.
And faith shall prevail,
As God holds my hearts pain.

No one will forget your child.
Believe this sacred thought.
Jesus paid our way
Even he at times distraught.

There will always be "what if"
And "remember when".
Until all that knew your child,
And their life chapters end.

So smile, enjoy each day.
Let others see the real you.
Faith is so beautiful
Make them want such too

I can't change the events,
of the life I now must face.
But maybe, just maybe
I can show them grace.

There will always be a depth
That I never can describe.
I make it through these days
With Jesus by my side.

I laugh, I cry, I listen.
Above all I love.
I struggle like the fledge
Much like a nestling dove.

I can't answer
How I shall be in years.
Nor can I began to measure
The liters of my tears.

I can say with clarity
I can't change the past
I want to make a difference
That's my new life's task.

Look at you, just look at you
With such strength to survive
The layers of love you hold
Wishing your child alive

I never imagined
My earth hearts goodbye
I just didn't plan
For my child to die