Peace?

A comment I made on FaceBook today...

I have accepted that I'll never see Greggy again on this earth; however the pain of his death has been getting worse & worse as the days, weeks, months, & years go by... Yeah, I have times when I can smile, talk to people, & put my thoughts & tears behind a mask... However, like other grieving parents say, it is the Most Intense Pain / Grief known... Those who have never experienced the death of their child cannot even come close to trying to understand it, even with a near death experience. I know this, because Greggy died 13 times before he was 7 hours old, but he lived! A child’s death is unlike the death of anyone else... I’ve had people tell me they understand, because they had a dog die or a parent die, I’ve experienced both & it’s not even close! When Greggy died, a part of me died with him. His death is not only painful, but profoundly disorienting, children are not supposed to die. Like Joey & David, Greggy will always be my son. I can see & hear how Joey & David continue to live their lives, I can take photos & new memories continue to be made... But I will never be able to see or hear how Greggy is doing... He will always be my baby and there is NO finding peace with his death, because Peace is not what it used to be...