Yearning...

Yearning for some rational explanation after the death of your child is as normal as breathing. Asking “why” is a common part of the grief recovery process, but it represents just one step along the way to wholeness.

Recovery depends upon, among other things, letting go of the “why” questions and turning to questions that begin with words such as
“how” and “what.” “How do I go on with my life now that this has happened?” and “What can I do to recover a sense of joy and meaning in my life?”

When we experience a major loss, the only answer to the question, “why?” is that this is a mortal, frail, imperfect world in which the word fair doesn’t always apply. The world is not perfect and life does not follow a perfect script. This is a world that operates by the laws of gravity and physics. Therefore, accidents do happen; suicides happen; deaths do occur. It is a world in which human beings have free will. Therefore, mistakes will be made and cruel,
violent acts will take place.

There is no grand plan or purpose to every loss we face. There is neither a divine nor a demonic plot to “get us”. It is just part of living in this less-than-perfect world.

Grief is not something you can avoid. True, it is more difficult and painful than anything else you will face in life. It takes a long time to get through the experience.

Enduring the stresses and challenges of grief recovery calls for a discipline of hard work to heal. You can emerge from it considerably stronger and more compassionate than you were before. Grief is as much about finding as it is about losing.